Why Medicine?

Why Medicine?

"Because I got in" doesn't quite seem to be a good enough answer. Especially now that I'm facing the Final Finals (of DOOM). Rite of passages indeed - despite every. single. consultant. telling us that we will be fine.

Because there's so much choice, the infinite variety of paths to follow after placing the elusive initials before our name? Or thats what I used to tell myself. Because I'll get bored doing other courses. From this side of the fence, right now I'm starting.. I'm definitely regretting the sheer amount of knowledge we need to cover. I'll never get bored doing medicine? Perhaps. But sometimes I wonder - if you've done a hundred, a thousand hip replacements, if you've charted paracetemol-and-codeine a million times, if you need to intepret yet another chest x-ray, if you need to replace another venflon at too-late o'clock... do you really not get sick of it?

I suppose some do, and possibly I may do in the future. On the other hand, every patient, every interaction is different. Take a "standard" history - presenting complaint, history of presenting complaint, past medical history, medications, allergies, smoking-alcohol, social history, review of systems. Same process for everyone, sort of a long open ended form to fill in. But the story of a elderly lady with a broken hip is vastly different from the story of a young man with asthma. The emphasis is different. Ultimately the goal is the same, help people to get well.

Such a simple phrase "helping people"

Its the one angle I have consistently brushed aside when I'm asked, why medicine? Its a good reason, sure, but I'm not convinced its the right one for me. Or perhaps it is - its the satisfaction of "changing lives".

That seems eerily like playing God.

To be honest, it scares me. Its the curse of medicine - the constant "what-ifs". What if I'm not good enough - what if I miss the blindingly obvious ectopic pregancy. What if I administer the wrong drug. What if I don't proritize things right, neglecting the guy thats actually dying in order to, say, complete a discharge summary so someone else can go home. What if I'm just not competent?

Maybe I'm not. Good enough, that is.

On the other hand, saying that seems to be an insult in some ways to the many people teaching us. The patients that allow us to fumble multiple times at taking histories, doing examinations, taking blood, putting lines in. The nurses that roll their eyes at our ineptness yet still take the time to instruct us on putting on sterile gloves the right way. The TIs and housemen who spend their precious downtime quizzing us on various scenarios, the registrars that look at their schedule and go, yeah, I can squeeze in a tutorial at lunchtime. The consultants that insist it has always being the students that present cases during ward rounds, and that teach at every opportunity.

Maybe I have to trust that they taught me well, and that I've actually learnt.

Perhaps.

And I guess that, is why I still do medicine - the fact that everyone is determined to see you succeed instead of fail. And the chance in turn, to be the teacher.